2017 has not been my favorite year. It may actually be my least favorite year in all of my years thus far. Still trying to see the positivity in all that has happened and is happening. I’m trying to view the struggles in an encouraging light. I’ve cried myself to sleep more often than not this year (Migraines LOVE it when you cry! It fuels them.). So, here’s to seeing the good in the bad.
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If I never had chronic migraines, I would never be so sympathetic to others with invisible wounds, hurts, and illnesses. You never know what someone else is going through.
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If I never had a car that broke down at the most inopportune times, I would never have valued how willing and capable my dad is when it comes to basic mechanics.
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If I never had my cat nearly die on me this year, I would never have acknowledged how much I love that stupid demon kitty no matter how horrible of a cat she is.
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If I never had my heart broken, I would never have known how much even I could love. Me. Truly love another human being. Used to think it was impossible.
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If I never ended my long-term relationship with the man I was dating for several years, I would never have realized the person I was with wasn’t for me nor was I for him no matter how difficult it was to lose that relationship, that friendship. I wish nothing but the best for that man. Earlier this year, I couldn’t say that. But I can now.
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If I never had loved someone to the point where it nearly ruined me, I would never have this incorrigible hope deep in my belly that I will meet someone someday who—instead of ruining me—stands beside me to form this life-altering duo of awesomeness. With matching rings of power (or wedding bands, whatever you mere mortals call them).
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If I never spent so many hours meal prepping and sweating my butt off in and out of the gym, I would never have shed these 30 lbs and 30+ inches off my body this calendar year alone. “What’s good for the body is good for the mind” rings true again and again!
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If I never had found myself homeless and jobless this summer, I would never have appreciated the generosity and hospitality of friends and family.
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If I never had lost a dear friend, I would never have treasured my gal pals as much as I do now.
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If I never had cried so hard that I couldn’t breath only to discover I could keep crying for days/weeks/months, I would never have relished being hugged so fiercely by my mom who gives the best hugs on the planet.
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If I never had gone out with guys who treated me like all I was to them was a bunch of holes to fill and a face to hit, I would never have respected the few exceptions of kind men out there.
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If I never had been rejected by so many job opportunities, I would never have tasted the sweetness of being accepted and of being valued. (I’m still looking for a better job if y’all know of anything.)
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If I never had 2017 to be year full of the deaths of all my dreams and hopes in my adult life, I would never have understood that dreams can be altered or changed because life isn’t fair or predictable. (Honestly, I’m still working to understand this. There’s still a few more weeks in 2017 after all.)
2017 has been my year of holding onto hope so closely that I’m practically strangling it because that’s all I can do. This has not been a rebuilding year for me. This has been a destroying year. A broken year. A refining year. As usual, I’ve learned more life lessons than I would ever have desired!
Here’s to making the best of whatever’s left in 2017. “Every cloud has a silver lining.”
AEA 