In friendships and relationships, there’s a triumvirate that takes place: INTEREST, INTENT, and INVESTMENT. There isn’t a specific order for these three elements, but all must be present in order for any semblance of a successful friendship or relationship. Here’s a better description of what I mean when I discuss the triumvirate.
INTEREST = Easily summed up as “Huh, you have captivated my attention.” This could be in a romantic way, a physical way, an emotional way, a mental way. Something that gets one’s attention on another human being. In friendships, it is often manifested in similar likes and dislikes. In romance, it is often that initial physical attraction that leads to an emotional or mental attraction. You’ll never befriend or date someone who doesn’t interest you on some level. No friendship or relationship could ever work if the parties are not interested in each other.
INTENT = The “why I’m with you” factor, the purpose, the reason. Why are you connecting with someone? Spending time with someone? What’s your purpose? You connect with someone because you want to get to know them better, you want to share things with them, you want them to share things with you. Your purpose could be that you think they might be intellectually stimulating for you. Your purpose could be that you want to makeout with them. Your purpose could be that you think they could be your soulmate, your best friend, your battle buddy, etc. Friendships and relationships happen for a reason, so find your purpose.
INVESTMENT = The “How I spend time with you” part. If you want someone in your life, you spend time with them on some level. Maybe you communicate through text messages, long distance phone calls, letters, emails, over coffee, out at your favorite club on a Friday night, on that once a year trip to Jamaica with the girls, on a daily 5-minute FaceTime. What YOU do to spend time developing a friendship or romantic relationship with that other person. In order for a friendship or relationship to work, both parties need to be equally invested.
A person’s intent to meet other people or date other people could then spark an interest with someone which would promote an investment with that person. A person could be interested/attracted to someone which would encourage investment then lead to the intention of purposefully spending time with that other individual. A person could find themselves investing in the life of someone else then eventually develop interest and intention. Maybe even interest, intent, and investment can all happen at the same time too. The variables are plenty.
With considering these three items, I acknowledge that I was and am disappointed on what did and did not happen tonight with Pete (“Mr. Kittens”).
Big sigh.
On Sunday during our several-hour talk, Pete asked me to reserve this evening for him, so I did. I rearranged my schedule to free up my Wednesday night which included getting a haircut a day earlier because I wanted to look cute for Pete.
Monday, Pete hadn’t said anything about where and when we’d meet up. Tuesday, nothing again. He had already warned me that he’s horrible at texting, so I was giving him space. Wednesday afternoon, I started getting nervous but knew that Pete gets heavily focused at work.
When my phone rang at 6:45 PM and it was Pete, I smiled. Figured he was calling to tell me where to meet him.
Nope. Not what happened. Continue reading “The “I” Triumvirate”
AEA 